The Tampa Bay Wedding Podcast

The Tampa Bay Wedding Podcast, Episode 8: Maid of Honor & Best Man, What are their REAL responsibilities?

March 26, 2020 Season 1 Episode 8
The Tampa Bay Wedding Podcast
The Tampa Bay Wedding Podcast, Episode 8: Maid of Honor & Best Man, What are their REAL responsibilities?
Chapters
The Tampa Bay Wedding Podcast
The Tampa Bay Wedding Podcast, Episode 8: Maid of Honor & Best Man, What are their REAL responsibilities?
Mar 26, 2020 Season 1 Episode 8

Episode 8 of the Tampa Bay Wedding Podcast deals with the Maid of Honor and Best Man.

We discuss how important it is to pick the right person for these roles.  The MOH and BM have many responsibilities and being chosen as the Maid Of Honor or the Best Man should not be viewed as honorary roles or titles.  We dive into how people in the past have chosen the wrong people for this role and how bad things happened as a result of those choices.

We also take a look at a great article on MyWedding.com that gives a really cool Printable Wedding Party Duties Checklist.  While there are many articles that discuss the roles and responsibilities for the Best Man and Maid of Honor, we chose this article because of the easy to print capability of the checklist.  Of course, some lists have more or less responsibilities, but the core message of each list is this:  The Best Man and Maid of Honor are responsible for taking burdens away from the Bride and Groom, not add on to them.

This week’s episode features your host, Jose’ Nix, with Sound Waves Pro DJs, Wedding Planner and Wedding Coordinator, Amber Jacks, from Simple Weddings, and Phil Pasek with Fast Breaks Executive Entertainment.

_______  WE APPRECIATE YOUR SUPPORT!  _______

If you'd like to show support for this podcast and help us keep it going, you contribute by making donations via the Venmo App or CashApp.

Show Notes Transcript

Episode 8 of the Tampa Bay Wedding Podcast deals with the Maid of Honor and Best Man.

We discuss how important it is to pick the right person for these roles.  The MOH and BM have many responsibilities and being chosen as the Maid Of Honor or the Best Man should not be viewed as honorary roles or titles.  We dive into how people in the past have chosen the wrong people for this role and how bad things happened as a result of those choices.

We also take a look at a great article on MyWedding.com that gives a really cool Printable Wedding Party Duties Checklist.  While there are many articles that discuss the roles and responsibilities for the Best Man and Maid of Honor, we chose this article because of the easy to print capability of the checklist.  Of course, some lists have more or less responsibilities, but the core message of each list is this:  The Best Man and Maid of Honor are responsible for taking burdens away from the Bride and Groom, not add on to them.

This week’s episode features your host, Jose’ Nix, with Sound Waves Pro DJs, Wedding Planner and Wedding Coordinator, Amber Jacks, from Simple Weddings, and Phil Pasek with Fast Breaks Executive Entertainment.

_______  WE APPRECIATE YOUR SUPPORT!  _______

If you'd like to show support for this podcast and help us keep it going, you contribute by making donations via the Venmo App or CashApp.

Support the show (https://venmo.com/code?user_id=2588813650034688584)

Announcer:   0:00
Thank you for listening to the Tampa Bay wedding podcast. This week's episode features your host Jose Nix with Sound Waves Pro DJs, wedding planner and coordinator Amber Jacks from Simple Weddings and Phil Pasek with Fast Breaks Executive Entertainment. Listen in as they discuss the very important duties required of the maid of honor and best man... And what happens when you pick the wrong person?

Jose' Nix:   0:24
Welcome to the Tampa Bay Wedding Podcast. This episode the rate this week, we're going to be discussing the roles for the bride's maid, the bride's maid, the maid of honor. And the best man with me today on our small panel is Philip Basic with fastbreaks Executive Entertainment. Um, he's not listening.  So we're gonna move on to...

Phil Pasek:   0:44
Oh, I'm right here. Okay?  

Jose' Nix:   0:46
Yeah, well let people know you're here, man.  

Phil Pasek:   0:47
Hey, guys..

Jose' Nix:   0:48
 Stop looking at your phone.  

Phil Pasek:   0:49
Oh, yeah.  

Jose' Nix:   0:49
Turn your phones off. He's so demanding .... you're bossing the boss... a boss around... the guy He's running a business. All right, So Philip Pasek with fast executive entertainment. Phil. Hey, now you're here now.  

Phil Pasek:   1:08
I lost my voice a little bit, but it's coming back.  

Jose' Nix:   1:10
I'm super excited to have Amber Jacks here with simple weddings. Um, Amber is a wedding coordinator event coordinator. She is. Well, I'll let Amber talk for just second. Tell you a little bit about what she does. Go ahead, Amber.

Phil Pasek:   1:23
Oh, hi. I'm Amber Jacks. Yep. Just like the fish. I get that a lot. You know, that's nice. Especially when it's amber jack season. Thing is right, Right. So but yeah, I'm a wedding planner. Um, kind of a Jill of all trades. Actually. I co own simple weddings with my business partner, Anthony Wiring, and we are exclusively wedding planners. But even within that umbrella, we handle a lot of different things. Will do you no proposals elements, you know, bigger, small will handle it. So lots of experience because of wearing a lot of hats as Theo owner and multiple responsibilities in the business. So I can speak to some of that.

Jose' Nix:   2:06
I think all three of us can relate on that level. That you have to do everything

Announcer:   2:11
that was the janitor this morning. Yes,

Phil Pasek:   2:13
Yes, you, when you're scrubbing the toilets plus being handed some invoices, right? Seriously owes it.

Jose' Nix:   2:19
And then getting yelled at for for everything, right? but that's a lot of it. So that's awesome. I mean, really super excited to have you here, Amber, and especially to talk about this topic. It's a really big It's a big pet peeve of line. I've been in the wedding business for 24 years. Phil has been in the wedding business for about the same amount of time. Correct? 22 22 years. Amber, how long you been in the business?

Phil Pasek:   2:44
So simple. Wedding has been around for 11 years. Yes, this year.

Jose' Nix:   2:48
And you know, it is a recurring thing. Um, someone says, Hey, I want you to be my best man. I want you to be my maid of honor, and people would just go great. And they just think they're just gonna show up and have that title. And they posted on, you know, instagram or Facebook or whatever A You know, I'm maid of honor, you know, whatever and literally do nothing. So we want to talk about, um, some of the roles and responsibilities. And I felt like who better to talk about that, then a wedding planner wedding coordinator. And that's why we have Miss Amber Jackson here today and we're actually gonna be going over this. It's on my wedding dot com The printable wedding party duties checklist. Um,

Phil Pasek:   3:27
I don't review that. Yeah, I looked at

Jose' Nix:   3:29
a lot, You know that not everybody has their different, you know, articles on it. But I felt like this one was kind of to the point. And I really like the fact that it's a checklist that you can print off, and it has a lot of good points on there, so, um, we can kind of get into it. What would you say? Um, I feel like they don't do anything so much, but, um, what is what do you think is the number one thing that a bride's our maid of honor should do that normally that they don't do

Phil Pasek:   3:56
well, I think playing a little more active role in the planning process, and I think that can sometimes be a challenge when it's a destination. Wedding? Um, I do see it more with my local clients where maybe they're on our attendant comes to some of the meetings with them. But, you know, I try to encourage, even with my destination clients that you know, we can Skype you know or do a phone conference but encourage them to be involved. But to your point, I think sometimes people don't realize it's not just a non honorary title, that there is responsibility associated with that. And it can be difficult for a maid of honor or a best man to get up to speed if they're not involved until literally the day or two before, right? So because

Jose' Nix:   4:42
it's not a even, though, it's so funny because you say, you know, you're with simple weddings and I tell people all the time unless you're getting married at the courthouse, it is not a simple wedding. It is a custom wedding, and there's a lot that goes into it. I don't care if it's if it's in the backyard. There's still a lot of planning and coordinating. So, um, you're right. People aren't involved from the jump and they try to just jump in at the last minute. They're gonna be so far behind. And then, you know, your end up left with the bride and the groom doing work they shouldn't do. And I you know, I don't know. Maybe I'm old fashioned about this, but I feel like the bride and the groom really shouldn't do anything the day of their wedding. They should just be their experience in the moment not having Thio put out fires. It's not having Thio find out, you know, find a thread needle to fix a button like

Announcer:   5:31
that stuff happens all

Jose' Nix:   5:33
the time and and they shouldn't be response before they should be stressed out over it.

Phil Pasek:   5:37
And you want. I mean, first of all, the whole concept of, you know, wedding attendants or bridal party. I mean, it's steeped in very ancient traditions. I mean, we're talking, going back to, you know, the Knights of the round table in ladies and waiting. And that whole concept and certainly the traditions have had to evolve. And now, even now, wedding parties, um, aren't necessarily just same sex wedding parties. You know, you have, you know, best women standing up with the groom's now and so on her attendants, You know, that whole concept is is evolving and changing to more accurately reflect, you know, modern couples. But there are still some tasks, and, you know, I hate to use the word duty, but if you're accepting that, because you are no honored by your friend to be asked to be in that role. I think it's important to toe understand what the expectations are, and sometimes maybe the bride and groom don't communicate that well either. So that could be sometimes lost. And whether or not people are Googling are researching whether their duties are for that role. It's about the communication, like we were talking earlier,

Jose' Nix:   6:44
right way, and we stress that on this podcast, so much communication is key. Clear, concise, open communication really solves a lot of problems on. And then you know this particular problem of people not knowing their response. So we also like if we have a problem, we also want to give a solution, right? Eso part of the problem? You said destination weddings, right? But you offered a solution. You can Skype. You can facetime. You can. You know, there's so much. There's so many ways, Zoom. There's so many things that have been digitally connect with people and they should take advantage of it. And they should make time for it. Yes, you know, if you don't make time for it before the wedding, there's not gonna be any time for during the wedding, right? You know, And then that's when disaster chaos and Bridezillas emerged. You know, as God bless them, they kind of deserve to feel that way because all the stress gets dumped on top of them. And why wouldn't they snap or flip out? You know, I mean, and that's when we were talking about that. We talked about this with with other people in the past before. Unfortunately, I think Fortunately, DJs we don't have to deal with a lot of bridezillas, Um, usually, because, uh, if we're doing our job right, we can kind of smooth out a lot of things. Um and also, just because we kind of run the show, if there's not a good coordinator is not a coordinator there. We can kind of take over and make sure things run smoothly. But, um, you know, everybody on the vacuum has to deal with that, right?

Phil Pasek:   8:07
And I think, um, you know that managing expectations thing and about roles part of the problem with wedding parties also is Sometimes people are selected to be in the wedding party who maybe don't have his active a role in the relationship of the couple that are getting married. You know, maybe you're selecting your your cousin because you're it's expected because it's a family. You know, your mom wants that person in the wedding or you're picking, you know, your groom's sister, and maybe you don't have a great relationship, but you're choosing that because it's it's about the symbolism of merging the families. That's one of the things I really try to talk to my clients about it. The beginning of the wedding planning process is who they're selecting as their wedding party, because that can make a difference. A CZ. Well, um, you know, you want to make sure that the people you're selecting can afford it because there are costs associated with it and that they have the time to invest in it. And I can tell you over the years, a number of times to when life is, you know, kind of given surprises to some of my brides and grooms. You know, when your maid of honor is pregnant and you know, all of sudden can't make it to the wedding because you know she's due to deliver. I mean, those kinds of things happen, so it's just crucial with timing and choosing the right people to be in the wedding party.

Jose' Nix:   9:33
You know, I hate to sound like my parents, you know, But if they're your friends, they'll understand. Like

Phil Pasek:   9:40
I'm just saying,

Jose' Nix:   9:40
if I understand, you don't want to upset your pregnant best friend, right? But your best friend should. If they are, your best friend should understand and go. Hey, you know what it is? It's your wedding, I told, Even though you might have to deal with emotions at that moment in time, I think later it will smooth out, you know, and they'll be ultimately happy. And if not, then you know what? Just like mom said. Well, then you don't need to be friends with, right? I

Phil Pasek:   10:05
don't, you know, And to that point, the two don't just choose people because your mom and dad expect Thio have that person

Announcer:   10:11
like sisters. Like, I see that very commonly there is the bride who picks a sister to be the major matron. And then there's also maybe a very special bridesmaids that maybe was like a college roommate. Yes, something like that.

Phil Pasek:   10:27
Well, and actually even, you know, we're talking about kind of that modern configuration out wedding parties. You know, first of all, the the old fallacy of having to have matching counts. You know, that doesn't apply anymore. You don't have to have exactly for, you know, bridal attendants and four groups. Attendants. Yeah, that's that's passe. And not after

Jose' Nix:   10:46
that much anymore, anyway.

Phil Pasek:   10:47
No. Um, but to your point, you know, I d'oh, I was just sharing with Jose recently. We had a wedding where they were, actually, you know, a bridal party of eight. And four of those were honor attendants. So we had a couple of maids of honor and a couple of matrons of honor. And so, um, that does help disperse the responsibility a little bit, but at the same time, it also then can be more confusing because you have, Yes. This

Announcer:   11:18
is a who. Okay, we're going with

Phil Pasek:   11:20
this. And if you have four people who are trying to plan, let's say the bridal shower or the bachelorette party, and it's not clear on whose responsibility is what you as far as the delegation, you know, that can get even more complicated. So, you know, But to your point, you know, a lot of times we do see that, especially college friends. But is it a college friend that you stayed in touch with? I mean, do they know your fiance? Is it you know, that's the other thing, too, Is I'm always trying to help people. Don't pick somebody. That was your childhood best friend that you haven't been in, you know, and contact with for 10 years.

Announcer:   11:57
I had one in April and it was a bride who was super awesome. And they went to a big college in Florida all the same foreign state. And so when it comes down to her selection of the maid or Matron of Honor, she picked her college girlfriend that she was in college with who also did stand up comedian on the side. She was a comic, but her real sister was totally cool with it. She's like, Okay, I'll just be announced as this is on the sister of the bride. But when she got up to do her speech, she said a little bit something. And then the comedian, the real maid of honor to it was hilarious. So like, so they

Phil Pasek:   12:36
made this situation work for

Announcer:   12:37
that day. Sure did. So I think in every scenario there is, you know, the light at the end of the tunnel. It will

Jose' Nix:   12:43
work and help that they communicated, right?

Phil Pasek:   12:45
Exactly. The expectations were clear and so you wouldn't want to Do you know, default to your sister just because she's your sister? Make sure that now we hope that they have a close relationship. But let's face it, in family dynamics, just because you're simply doesn't necessarily mean that's the best person to have in that role.

Jose' Nix:   13:03
Listen and you know, let's just talk about that, too. Let's talk about toasts, right? You've got to think about who's gonna give a toast for you. And, you know, this was a big deal to me at my wedding. You know, I wanted to make sure that we actually we sent articles out to our best man and maid of honor toe. Let them none bridesmaids. And let them know. Hey, look, man, you guys have responsibilities and our wedding, and it's not just that we, you know, think you're cool and we want you to dress up. We want you to take on the's responsibilities and our maid of honor. My wife's best friend

Announcer:   13:37
gave like the best

Jose' Nix:   13:38
speech ever. She turned it into, like a Disney song. It was like, close were we both love Disney, so it was awesome, you know? But that was, you know, a good choice, obviously, in a maid of honor. And now, you know, she didn't pick her sisters, right? She's got two sisters. She they were. They were They were bridesmaids, but they weren't the maid of honor. And they were a little upset at first, but they couldn't have done. They couldn't have done what the maid of honor did. She took on the responsibility the way she should have done it. You know, um, I just want to touch on a couple of these real quick while we're talking about because I'm looking at him like, you know, it's not just money. It's time. Right? Um, this the maid of honor. Some of the responsibilities on that website we're talking about. Keep a level head, obviously throughout the bride's wedding planning, Oversee, Keep track of pre wedding expenses for the bridesmaid. So, man, keeping track of expenses, That's a big responsibility. Pay for her own wedding attire and travel expenses. I don't know how many times I hear people complaining about having to buy a dress. Listen, don't be in the

Announcer:   14:34
wedding. Never gonna be able to wear.

Jose' Nix:   14:36
You want to be in the wedding. You have to pay for your dress. Yes, right. I mean, the bride's already paying. How many thousands of dollars, right? Even if she's frugal, it's still gonna It's more than a

Announcer:   14:47
regular dress is gonna cross right. Help

Jose' Nix:   14:49
the bride shop for a wedding dress and bridesmaid dresses coordinate in the necessary bridesmaids fittings on. Sure, bridesmaids were getting their dresses and accessories on time. Offer to help. This was big time Consumer Ranger offer to help address wedding invitations and assists with miscellaneous wedding projects. How many little things have to get done on the day of?

Phil Pasek:   15:10
It's a long list. I mean, it is a long list. And even with a planner, there are still your responsibilities because, you know, the bridal parties typically getting ready together. And, you know, you brought up having, for instance, the emergency kit you wanna have that emergency kit prepped for, you know, um, the full day and have that handy having, you know, band aids and Kleenexes. And you know a little sewing kit, those kinds of things that you need, um, even to the to the point of who's gonna keep track of the bride's purse and the lip gloss or lipstick for touch ups during photos. Those are the kinds of things that I see missed all the time and especially like if they're coming to the beach or coming thio a different ceremony location. First of all, you don't want to be hauling 15 bags of stuff out to the beach and trying to keep track of it in this big public area. So I tried to get them to be thinking about those things. Had a time. You know how that's a good role for the, um, maid of honor at you. The other thing is photography. You know, like AA lot of times the wedding coordinator, the wedding planner is not going to know everybody in, you know by name, especially family. When you start to get into those family groupings of photos and so what we often try to do is, and we tell our clients at a time, hey, designate either. Usually it's the maid of honor because they typically will at least know much of the family, have them hold that photo checklist and help gather people together. When it's time for the

Announcer:   16:44
photos, Essentially, you gotta get our right time pranks. Actually, about a first we

Jose' Nix:   16:51
talked about that, but I went really bad. You know, our wedding when we had to take eight billion pictures of people that didn't want to have pictures taken together at the same time. And all this. Yes, it's a headache. It's a nightmare. Just time Management is a big part of her responsibility, right? The brightness of the maid of honor. And

Phil Pasek:   17:07
you don't want the bride and groom having to try to corral their family members, either. That's because you want them to be able to kind of stay focused on over doing photos. And so that's, you know, something to designate as a responsibility. That

Jose' Nix:   17:19
and then it also talks about organizing, obviously, like the bridal shower, the bachelorette party, Even if it's a you know, one of the Jack and Jill party.

Phil Pasek:   17:28
Yes, and those are becoming more common. All right. I did one when I got married a couple years ago. We did a coed, and it was a blast Yeah, well,

Jose' Nix:   17:35
we did the same thing. It was fun. We went Did like painting with a twist. And also, you know,

Phil Pasek:   17:39
we did waiting like a little scavenger hunt. We call it a dive bar derby down and John's passed on, but was pirate themed because we did a little. We did a little sunset cruise on the pirate boat and we all dressed up and then went and did a little scavenger That last awesome. But again, I did have two maids of honor. But they handled that, and they communicated between themselves. Likely, they knew each other had time, their friends. And but it was important that they took care of all of that. I didn't have to worry about anything. And that made the evening flow so much. It was fun. I could relax. Not a good time. So would you

Jose' Nix:   18:16
say would make it easier for you? The bride and the bride and groom. They should probably write down maybe a plan of how they want things to be executed, right? Yes, especially man, I can't tell. You know, I think I'm gonna make this a point on every podcast. Get a wedding coordinator? Yes, because your ABS coordinator will help you think of the things that you I don't know, that you should be thinking about everybody and then you and then you can get that list and then they can execute a day off. Right? Absolutely. Right. The list down, that's the biggest first step, right? And then they can delegate that. And then when you take a look at that list, you can I think it's better if you have that list first before you choose your maid of honor, right? Yes. Have the list first, and then go. Man, this is a lot. I can't trust my cousin Sarah to do that. I need to, you know, trust. Actually, my workmate that has been there for me for the past 10 years. That is always there for me, for my you know, any major life event that has been there for me, that needs to be my maid of honor. Right? Right. Right. Think about it clearly and logically, and then and your wedding is gonna go great.

Phil Pasek:   19:22
Yes, because, you know, especially if you are. You know, if you have a wedding planner winning wedding coordinator and

Announcer:   19:31
you know you're you

Phil Pasek:   19:33
have that communication going? Because your wedding coordinator should also be working with you on the timeline, obviously of events for the day, both ceremony and reception. And it's important. I always, you know, create an email summary of that. And within 7 to 10 days of the wedding, I'm sending it to my clients and telling them Share this with your wedding party. Nice. Make sure they all know what what's on here. So that again they know where to show up, what time to be there and how the day is gonna flow.

Jose' Nix:   20:05
Can you give us an example of of of a Thompson gets tons, but can't give us an example of maybe where that that ball was dropped where the the maid of honor totally just was not the right person.

Phil Pasek:   20:18
So we had a situation with, um And I bet you I hope you guys have a couple stories too. But, um, the day of the wedding, um, the mother of the bride decided not to attend the wedding. Um, and I found this out while we're setting up at the beach. Um, and unfortunately, a lot of the responsibilities for some of the decor and some of the things that were happening with reception had been part of what Mom was doing. And unfortunately, when she decided not to attend, it fell onto the shoulders of the maid of honor who was not prepared. And so, thankfully, we were there where we'll pick up some of the slack

Announcer:   21:07
on that. But

Phil Pasek:   21:08
it was a very awkward situation. Because even when it came to communicating for payment for some things that were associated with the reception later in the day, it was even hard for us to know who we needed to discuss that with. So, um, that was a prime example. Another time we had a scenario where the maid of honor maybe drink a little too much while everybody was getting ready?

Announcer:   21:35
No. Yeah, yes. I thought they just did a hair and makeup and have sip mimosas. Yeah, those mimosas. I think we're a little heavier on the champagne and the orange juice, but, um, called more. Most of those were more. Most

Phil Pasek:   21:49
says yes. Eso immediately post ceremony immediately. Post ceremony. She ran down to the water and jumped in before photos were done. No. Yes.

Announcer:   22:01
Those were great photos

Phil Pasek:   22:03
so and then the bridesmaids had to drag her out of the water.

Jose' Nix:   22:06
Now, go ahead. Thought. Did you have one?

Announcer:   22:08
Yeah. Okay. I'd won 11 years ago. They were wondering where the maid of honor was the day of the wedding. What they didn't know is the night before, After the rehearsal dinner, she got pinched for a D. U I. Wow. No one really kind of knew because she wasn't answering her cell phone. So at that time, somebody looked on one of the sheriffs websites and saw that she was

Jose' Nix:   22:32
in the drunk tank, right?

Announcer:   22:33
So we had to go through the wedding without a maid of honor. But there was a few other gals that were able to step up Kind of take that response. That a destination Wedding? Yes. Well,

Jose' Nix:   22:44
you know what they say about Florida, right? Come on. Vacation. Leave on probation

Announcer:   22:49
thing for tomato. Think

Phil Pasek:   22:53
visit Florida's touting that one way. That's a good That's a good one in mind.

Jose' Nix:   22:58
That's when we're supposed to keep on the little

Announcer:   22:59
again. Yeah, and, you know, demographics don't play into it at all. Because it was a very nice hotel included.

Jose' Nix:   23:05
Kia. Yeah, You know what's funny? Um, speaking of So the groom in a wedding that I did over at a really nice place in Clearwater to you, um, they have a really nice night club there. That's very busy all the time. We won't mention it, but, um, love Yeah, they, uh they have a lot of really nice weddings here. This bride and groom. I had a nice It was a point, not queen. It was Ah, it was a very small wedding. Intimate. That's the word. I was an intimate wedding. It was really nice. The group got smashed. Hammered. Now I feel like it's I feel like it was the best man's job to keep that guy from getting smashed. Agreed. I just want to say so. You gotta realize house matched. He got They had to take him off in a luxury luggage cart. Had a card a mile in the luggage cart an hour before the reception was over on our before the reception. Not at

Phil Pasek:   24:02
the end.

Announcer:   24:03
An hour before it's supposed to be home. Did someone get pictures of that? Um, listen, it wouldn't have a Facebook post.

Jose' Nix:   24:10
It was bad, man. It was bad and I feel like that's another thing that let that maybe that's an unwritten rule. But really, man, if you're the best man, you're the maid of honor. You should be watching out for them to make sure that they have a great time and getting smashed is not having a great time. Because I tell you what. The ride was so upset that I wouldn't she be

Phil Pasek:   24:30
absolutely especially if you spent that kind of money and and then, you know, it's it's a fine line between, you know, having a great time and being so smashed that you're not gonna remember it the next

Announcer:   24:43
right carted out on the luggage cart, right? Getting

Jose' Nix:   24:45
tipsy is one thing. Getting blackout drunk is a whole nother thing. And you know, no one wants to start a marriage like that. And, you know, um, I feel like I like the groomsmen and the best men

Announcer:   24:57
could have helped you helped out a lot to contribute. Thio did. That's

Jose' Nix:   25:01
the That's what I'm saying. They contributed to it. They were doing shots with him, and, you know, come on, man, you know your friend and you know I know my friends, man. And I know if they're if they're drinking too much, I know when One too much, Too much. So, you know, I feel like that it doesn't really bother me, man. That really bothered me that Well, you know, I got to leave early. That was nice. But, you know, when you when you talk about wanting the money, the best for your end for the end user, for the client was bad. Yeah,

Phil Pasek:   25:29
way we've been talking, you know, of course, quite a bit. You you bring up a good point out because we've been talking though quite a bit about the bright side of things. But I think you know women. Of course, there's this focus on wedding planning and the dreaming of the wedding. And and so but on the groom's side, that role of best man also has responsibility. And it's not just about getting strippers for the bachelorette party. Um, so that's, you know, and I maybe those types of things, because, let's face it, guys communicate differently than women do. Anyway, sometimes about those things. And if it's not clear on what that role is, Um and I'm sure you guys have Yeah, we're stories in addition to that are things that didn't work out well, we had one that was completely accidental, but that again, it impacted the day. Um, another destination wedding. We had a, uh, best man who forgot his sunglasses, and everybody had gone to the beach the day before the wedding and spent all day thinking actually did the Shell Island thing. Um, and he forgot his sunglasses. Well, he ended up with sun blindness, which is something that actually really happens. Um, and it Luckily it's temporary. It'll go away in 2 to 3 days, but he literally could not see the day of the wedding. So, you know, I could not walk. I mean, had to be wow, escorted down the aisle. So I'll

Jose' Nix:   26:58
say it again. Proper planning prevents piss. Poor performance period.

Phil Pasek:   27:05
That's perfect. All the bees, all the peas. Well, yeah.

Jose' Nix:   27:08
I mean, it's crazy that that happened, and then I do I do. I know we were harping on the maid of honor lot, but yeah, I see Groom's been really groomsmen and the best men they feel like it's just an honorary role in this city. It's just a party we're gonna smoke cigars were gonna drink some whiskey and we're gonna toast and we're just gonna get drunk and make out with the bride's maid like that's I feel like that's the mentality of bruising in an investment, and that's totally wrong. They got the whole job is to support the groom because it's a big decision. It's a big step, you know, and I've seen someone like I don't want to say it's all bags is definitely there's way more good than there is that I see a lot of great amazing best men that give amazing toast, man. I mean, like some of the best speeches I've ever heard in my life. But then I've also heard train wrecks because again they didn't. They picked the wrong person. They picked their brother instead of their best friend, and they pick their brother because they felt obligated because their parents put pressure on him and the brothers spiteful because he's not getting married yet. He's not treated good, so it comes out and it's like you can hear the animosity and the toast, you know, say what a great way to ring in a marriage, right with hateful, resentful comments like it's it's horrible. And I think that, you know that Go all goes hand in hand with planning and who you're gonna have. Represent you? Yes, at your wedding. And, you know, even though there's so many good Windsor's, you don't

Phil Pasek:   28:29
want to be

Jose' Nix:   28:29
the bad one. Now I'm saying, Didn't want to be the bad one.

Phil Pasek:   28:32
And we all have seen the cringeworthy toasts to your point. And also, though, isn't that something you know occasionally. And I think some of this relaxed attitude toward I love fun and I love unexpected. I really d'oh! And let's face it, those kinds of things can make a wedding memorable either in a good way or a bad way. But, um, I think some of those things, it's it's good if you want to surprise the bride with certain things. But I also think that let's say you're the best man and there's always been the like, the joke with losing the rings or the whole you know, something like that, you know, are where did the vowels get put? You know, those kinds of things that happen that if it's the right bride for that, I mean, I think that That's something that if if a best man is going to plan to do, he needs to discuss it with the groom and make sure that this is something that will go over well with the bride and her family, right? Because otherwise it's gonna be really awkward.

Jose' Nix:   29:29
I did see something that reminds me it's 11 wedding and it was really, really funny. And they didn't They didn't tell the bride, but she was so cool with it. But it was for the garter, for the garden removal, right? So he gets down, the groom gets down for the garden. If he does this, amazing kind of like, you know, dance. And he's like really getting into and he gets down and it gets under address. And then as she's as he's under the dress, the best man comes behind him. He just starts feeding them stuff to pull out, and the guy starts pulling out like a baseball bat and a fishing rod. And

Phil Pasek:   30:00
that's funny all kinds of

Jose' Nix:   30:01
crazy stuff, and everyone died and the bride, she loved it. She ate it up, but again, that's what what you're saying. They got a note that you gotta have the right person that knows what they're doing in that situation. You can't. You shouldn't just put just anybody in that position could feel obligated Or because someone makes you feel like, you know, a little of its blood. They're blood related. You should have your brother there. Whatever, man. I'm sorry. That sound bitter about that, but I just I again, it all falls on the end result. I want the bridegroom to be happy. First of all, they're the ones that write me a check. Yeah, so I want them to be happy. And they've written a check to how many other vendors for this big, amazing thing just to have someone ruin it because they, you know, are spiteful or, you know, vengeful, whatever. You know, whatever they are, um, it's just they need a plan. Better

Phil Pasek:   30:47
there. A couple of things you're looking at the list that you're talking about from my wedding dot com on the responsibilities, like day of some of the things I see get for gotten our, um we talked about just the bride's purse, for instance, but, um flowers, you know, that's one of the things. It's very important for the maid of honor and the best man to make sure, Because, you know, again, brides and grooms are still typically getting ready separately. So flowers may be delivered at two different locations. And I can tell you, there have been times when, despite, you know, our best efforts is planners to make reminders that, you know, the wedding party shows up, and they have forgotten their flowers. And they've got to go back to the hotel or, um, the rings get for gotten you. And I just had a scenario like that at a recent wedding where the groom forgot the rings. Um,

Announcer:   31:41
the groom forgot. Forgot the rings, the checklists. Checklists. Yes.

Phil Pasek:   31:45
And so luckily, I had an assistant. He was able to right run to the end and literally in 15 minutes, resolved man. Exactly. Because

Announcer:   31:54
it was like an

Jose' Nix:   31:55
honorary kind of, you know,

Phil Pasek:   31:57
because he was young. Yeah. You weren't going to be ableto have him and that responsibility. Yeah, so that's a challenge. A lot of times we see that with second weddings where, um, you know, the couple wants to have their Children involved, which is lovely, but I don't know that the honorary role

Announcer:   32:14
is best role for the kids. Your rules? Yes, yes,

Jose' Nix:   32:18
a junior bridesmaid. Junior groomsmen. You have those? They're still, You know, there's a lot of honor buying that. But Nyhus responsibility

Phil Pasek:   32:26
you were talking about curtains were the toast. That wedding also is the one where the, um, maid of honor was the bride's teenage daughter. And she made a young team, but made the comment about all of Mom's previous boyfriends and how she knew that this guy was the one, though, because he was I was pregnant. I had

Announcer:   32:47
a little bit inside. Heard e my assistant. We both remain professional. Anything, man, Just don't

Phil Pasek:   32:56
laugh. But that's a good example to of maybe, you know, if you're choosing somebody again in that role, thinking about what they're going to say, you know, back to that topic. But, um, or just be, you know, you're gonna have to be prepared, right? It could surprise everyone

Jose' Nix:   33:12
right now, ready to roll with the punches

Announcer:   33:14
is always one deejay with the microphone. After something like that happens, you're like, What do you say? Yeah, Say, how do I make this funny?

Jose' Nix:   33:20
Yeah, yeah, Usually then what's left up left up to us to spin it. Um, but, you know, I guess we could do it, but that at the end of the day, we want to take as much headache away from the bride and groom. Yes, that's reason why we wanted to touch on this. And, you know, I think we covered it pretty well. Um, we didn't go over every single item on here, but I'm gonna put a link on the podcast to this to this link so people can see it, cause I really think it's a good list. There's Wait, there's other stuff that that could be added. Or you can omit things from this list, but it's a pretty good start, um, for the responsibilities and again. But, you know, the best man and the maid of honor have the most responsibility. And then your groomsmen and your bridesmaids have the supporting roles that should be delegated from those honorary rolls to make sure that everything it's done,

Phil Pasek:   34:03
absolutely. They should be prepared to run errands. How can they chip And what? You know, what ways can they be supportive for that day? Because it is a duty. Um don't be

Jose' Nix:   34:14
before the wedding. Yeah, that's a big I mean, I know everybody wants to drink and have their little, you know, maybe a little bit. But honestly, if you have, let's say you get to the to the venue and the hotel's 15 minutes away and everyone smashed, he's gonna go get the rings that got forgotten. I was gonna go get the, you know, whatever. Something that that might be forgotten. Yes, that's a bad.

Phil Pasek:   34:33
And to your point again, if if a couple is a d. I Y couple and they don't have a wedding coordinator, there's going to be additional responsibilities on the, you know, the friends and family members who are playing a role in the wedding party because they're going to have to help fill in those gaps that the professionals aren't doing.

Jose' Nix:   34:53
I agree. 100% do it yourself weddings. Um,

Announcer:   34:57
I

Jose' Nix:   34:58
don't want to knock them because there's a lot of beautiful thing. I've seen a lot of great weddings with Duke yourselfers, but at the same time, I see a lot of suffering from their bridegroom there so straight that mostly the bride, poor Bryant is usually the one that has the attention to detail that really wants everything to look perfect. I'd be done right. And

Phil Pasek:   35:17
your friends guests are they friend doors in that sense? And do you really You with them? You know, again, we've all seen that go bad Thio where they're stressed out. Your friends were working the wedding and they're not really enjoying themselves because they are too focused on Yeah, the menu sha So there's a balance there and on, especially if there's good communication and good planning ahead of time. The day, uh, things will run a little more smoothly. Nothing's perfect. There will always be some sort of pick up or unexpected

Announcer:   35:46
scenario. That foresight is very important. Being an experienced planner, you're ableto kind of See what roadblocks could be ahead. That's one of the key things. Like even if they hire you full on coordination or dead coordination, you know the details were gonna get covered. Yes, even if curveballs are thrown like a sun blind best man. Yeah. Never, never heard. That was the first time. Had no forgot sunglasses. Forget like no one else had sunglasses with this guy. You're right. I like this by the sun like

Phil Pasek:   36:19
reflected off that beautiful white sand. I guess I'm

Jose' Nix:   36:22
way like to come up with Funny. We like to come up with solutions for that problem. So next time that happens, happens, take a piece of paper and just poke a hole in it and take that to his head, Go right and then make sure there's lots of pictures taken so that guy could realize out dummy was for forgiveness on.

Phil Pasek:   36:41
Or if you know, you're gonna get spend the day it Shell Island with your wedding party ahead of time, pack an extra bag of sunscreen and sunglasses or umbrellas or caps. Yeah, one of each of something in case somebody forgets

Jose' Nix:   36:53
something. Yeah, that's true. That's true. Plan ahead, man. But always always plan ahead. Communicate properly. Those things will save so many analysts make lists like it's gonna it's gonna save your time. It's gonna save you. Money is gonna save your headaches, you know, get a planner. Get a planner, get a planner. Yes. And if I didn't say before, get a planner. Yes. You know I can't.

Phil Pasek:   37:13
And a professional deejay, not your friend who works at the office who does it on the side.

Announcer:   37:19
Yeah. What about the guy at the club with stepping up to the O going out to the dance floor?

Phil Pasek:   37:30
I've gotten that, you know, while my friend that I work with, you know, his brother. You know, it

Jose' Nix:   37:37
was talked about that in a pocket for two D. J and M C. That was That was a topic that we've covered. And yeah, you're right. And thanks for mentioning that. You know, we try to talk about that. Thio have Make sure you know the difference. There are some great I know great club DJs, that amazing wedding. Yes, but I know a Thanh of club DJs. That or not Good wedding DJs. They are great club DJs and that's and that's great because the world needs club DJs,

Phil Pasek:   38:03
radio. But again, when you're emceeing a wedding and that could make or break or if you have those awkward situations that happen because of a wedding party snafu, the difference in having a great emcee is that you're going to still be able to

Announcer:   38:15
roll an angel direction quickly without anyone knowing. Exactly.

Jose' Nix:   38:19
I think on your feet, that's that's that's That's the biggest part of m. C. So. But, you know, that's tune in for another podcast. I think Camera. Which episode? That was five. I think it was. I don't know what that would have to revisit it, but yes, So we're gonna wrap it up there. That was a really good podcast. Episode number eight. That's Phillip a sick with executive fastbreaks Executive Entertainment. He said about 15 words today. Thanks for that. Philip Philip lost his voice. He did. He did 14 events. In how many days?  

Phil Pasek:   38:48
14. 14 days.  

Jose' Nix:   38:51
And you know, that's a lot of work, man. Especially for someone like Philip that doesn't normally shut up. He's loving this, right? Yeah, it's so quiet. We could get work done. Just get him in now. But that that's why Phil wasn't saying a whole lot of his voices thes baby in his voice a little bit so that he can take care of his clients the way it needs to later on this week. And I want to think again, Amber Jacks for coming out for your this is your first time ever on the podcast.

Amber Jacks:   39:20
Thanks for having me. It's also I love being a first timer doesn't happen very much in my age.

Jose' Nix:   39:26
Well, that sound about, right? So but thanks again for coming. We really loved having you. It was really great conversation. I hope people learned from this. And everyone please make sure you check out simple weddings florida dot com and see what Amber has to offer for you. And, uh and then, yeah, everybody have a great day till next time.  

Announcer:   39:52
Thank you for listening to the Tampa Bay wedding podcast. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast for more tips, tricks and behind the scenes stories from professionals in the wedding industry. If you'd like to support this podcast, feel free to donate at our Venmo or CashApp links provided in the show description. Thank you.